tape a microphone to my chest
aim an arrow at my heart like Ulay
and tell me you can’t hear my heart
beating for its life
Tag: poetry
overtime
heartburn when i swallow
limp hair and broken nails
exhausted lungs and aching legs carry me to my bed
shuffle through shallow dreams
to find the one in black and white
long days awake after short nights
fast asleep
i think something is missing
just like the Buddha that rests above me
my eyes are closed
but i am not asleep
windowsill
it feels like late spring
sitting up here on my window sill
seemingly on the edge between two worlds
warm air buffering me on one side
the cool breeze on the other
the fresh air feels good
and the sun is hot on my cheek
a book resting open on my knee
i breathe in deep and close my eyes
it’s a nice place to be
perched up above the rooftops
not quite commited to the real life jostling down below
but also not quite confined to the stillness of my room
just a small taste
of summer
just a small taste
of another life
honest exhaustion
being honest with myself
was so exhausting
i have a thumping headache
and my cheeks are streaked with crusted tear tracks
now my chest is free
from the cruel knot that i tied around it
to keep the feelings down
at least now
if anything
i can take a steady breath again
without a quiver in my bottom lip
-honest exhaustion
what can i say, but thank you
my heart lay there
between us
e x p o s e d
and honest
tired of the pretending
its beat was slow and heavy
tenderly
you picked me up
and placed me back in my still chest
you took my hands in yours
and ever so gently
pulled me to you
back to your warmth
you gave me back my heart
and made me whole again
so i can love you properly
-what can i say but thank you
blooming
i’m starting to feel it again
i can feel it in my stomach
in my chest
something’s blooming
my words are starting to rise up again
up, out through my fingertips
tap tap tap
i feel release through each tap, push, breath
finally.
by lily e saville
The past two years of my life have greatly fluctuated between being the best time of my life and the hardest. Moving to another city, on the other side of the world meant giving up all sense of stability and comfort. Even though it was a scary thing to say goodbye to all things comfort zone, I knew great things were going to happen to me and I was ready to welcome what came my way with an open heart and mind.
I didn’t go into it thinking that everything was going to be easy, I knew it was going to be a difficult and major adjustment for me. I knew though, it was going to help me grow up. Having experienced the highest moments of my life here in Munich, and also my lowest points that I’ve ever had, I have learnt so much about my mind and body and how to care for them, to feed them nourishing things, so that I may bloom the way I want to and how I can embrace or tackle what comes my way.
Life is so full of unexpected things, people, feelings, you can never be properly prepared for what comes. I cannot explain the amount of emotions that I have felt through the last two years in Munich, the people I’ve met, relationships made, music found, food eaten. That’s what it’s all about though, isnt it? Living and feeling, creating, moving, growing, connecting, smiling, crying, hugging, kissing, laughing.
I feel now I’m finally beginning to properly settle, my heart is happy, my mind and body are both growing healthier. I have energy now, to breathe, create, speak, write, eat, live and love with everything I can give.
My previous blog showed me parts of myself that I’ve now grown away from, and I didn’t want to hold on to it all. I have librated all those words and thus liberating myself to create new.
Here’s to new.
Yours,
lily e saville
lily e saville 