my heart lay there
between us
e x p o s e d
and honest
tired of the pretending
its beat was slow and heavy
tenderly
you picked me up
and placed me back in my still chest
you took my hands in yours
and ever so gently
pulled me to you
back to your warmth
you gave me back my heart
and made me whole again
so i can love you properly
-what can i say but thank you
Autumn season has finally arrived here in my small city of Munich. For somebody who doesn’t care much about religously checking the weather channels, autumn weather came seemingly out of the blue. Summer was one day, and the next, autumn. Cool breezes, stifiling heat and sunshine, turned overnight into gray skies, cold winds and rain. Shorts and sandals are slowly turning into boots and jackets. Green leaves turning to orange and yellow.
“And all at once, summer collapsed into fall.“
–Oscar Wilde
This excites me. I love autumn. The orange crunching leaves underfoot, rosy cheeks from the crisp air, hot cups of tea always on hand, while bundled up in cardigans and slippers.
I’m currently sitting cosy, in my soft lit bedroom with the heater on, tea on my right, water on my left, laptop on, the cat kneading her special blanket laid out on my bed, and a lofi playlist on – volume low. I just wanna put my hair up into a bun and gleefully type away.
Summer is wonderful and warm. The perfect time to go swimming, catch a tan and go on road trips. I love the blue sky and soft breezes on my skin. Yummy ripe summer fruit juice that dribbles down my chin and melting ice cream.
But autumn is so much more interesting and colourful. Trees shed their firey leaves, revealing long elegant skeletons. The wind becomes a rattle of crunchy leaves instead of a rushing of warm air. Smells of warm chocolate and hot pastries in the air lure the senses inside. Hot pumpkin soup in a big mug to keep your hands and belly toasty warm, and my personal favourite – snuggling down into a big blanket with my feet tucked up against the heater with a good book in hand.
Autumn is the perfect time to create. It is the end of one year and the beginning of another. Inspiration is everywhere in the world as it transitions to winter time. It’s the perfect time to discover! New books, new food to cook, new cafes with yummy toasted muffins and good coffee. Maybe a new passion for the soul. Maybe picking up an old passion.
So much to look forward to!
As for me, as autumn settles in, I will be happily tucked away somewhere between my writing, the arms of my love, and a Muriel Barbery novel as the rain patters on the windowsill outside.
Yours,
lily e saville
i’m starting to feel it again
i can feel it in my stomach
in my chest
something’s blooming
my words are starting to rise up again
up, out through my fingertips
tap tap tap
i feel release through each tap, push, breath
finally.
by lily e saville
The past two years of my life have greatly fluctuated between being the best time of my life and the hardest. Moving to another city, on the other side of the world meant giving up all sense of stability and comfort. Even though it was a scary thing to say goodbye to all things comfort zone, I knew great things were going to happen to me and I was ready to welcome what came my way with an open heart and mind.
I didn’t go into it thinking that everything was going to be easy, I knew it was going to be a difficult and major adjustment for me. I knew though, it was going to help me grow up. Having experienced the highest moments of my life here in Munich, and also my lowest points that I’ve ever had, I have learnt so much about my mind and body and how to care for them, to feed them nourishing things, so that I may bloom the way I want to and how I can embrace or tackle what comes my way.
Life is so full of unexpected things, people, feelings, you can never be properly prepared for what comes. I cannot explain the amount of emotions that I have felt through the last two years in Munich, the people I’ve met, relationships made, music found, food eaten. That’s what it’s all about though, isnt it? Living and feeling, creating, moving, growing, connecting, smiling, crying, hugging, kissing, laughing.
I feel now I’m finally beginning to properly settle, my heart is happy, my mind and body are both growing healthier. I have energy now, to breathe, create, speak, write, eat, live and love with everything I can give.
My previous blog showed me parts of myself that I’ve now grown away from, and I didn’t want to hold on to it all. I have librated all those words and thus liberating myself to create new.
Here’s to new.
Yours,
lily e saville
